so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
