If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
