i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
