I puked a lego.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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