You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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