I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
