also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
