I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
