apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
