what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
