Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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