Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
