Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
