There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
