You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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