Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize