He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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