He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize