just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
