how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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