I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
