the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
