Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
too bad you live with your parents still
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
