i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The adults are the big ones right?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
