I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
