: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
