You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
