i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
