I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize