Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
