Pants 0. Shit 1.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
