Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
