That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
