I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
