We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
