So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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