It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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