I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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