a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
please don't ironically join a cult
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