If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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