can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
