Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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