You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
