D3 body, D1 cock
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
