She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
