Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Houston, we have a blender
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize