first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
