i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
