What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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