If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
