Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
