so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
