I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
