I looked at my own cervix.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
