I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
