This girl is more easily done than said...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
