I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This gyro tastes like lonliness
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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