You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
