We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
