im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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