I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
