The maid of honor just puked.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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