Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize