How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
