Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
